Where does jesus that its ok, to berate or harangue people who make a different lifestyle choice from you?

He didn't. He was honest, and he told it like it was. But the motivation behind everything he did was love. And that is how Christians should be too. Love doesn't mean lying and telling someone that something is ok with you when it isn't. But it also means understanding, empathy, compassion, and going out of your way to discover the best in someone, not the worst.